blackcatcabinchronicles


Fear
October 18, 2011, 10:38 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Fear is my worst enemy here in this transformative place.  I say that Black Cat Cabin is a transformative place because it is so unusual, a far cry from the way most people I know live, that it inspiring. It is a place to foster creativity.  It inspires me to be more focused on the actions of every day living because it is so rustic.  I must focus on things like opening and closing windows and doors to either cool or heat the house.  There are many bugs in the house and the cracks between the windows and the panes, around the doors, the holes in the walls keep me thinking about the coldest days of winter and what will I do to keep us warm.  I worry on crisp nights about having enough money to pay for the expensive baseboard electric heat or how to keep the wood stove going (or if it will even warm the house enough- it is ancient).  Will the fireplaces warm the rooms or draw heat out of the house?

I worry about the lack of income for November and December.  I have just made the leap to full-time freelance writer and though I have some writing income for December (very little), January (even less, so far) and February (a little better) I am scared that there will be too little even for food.  Food stamps and other types of assistance are based on the previous year’s income so I am unsure if I will qualify.

I may have to buy a rifle and learn to hunt deer and geese which are plentiful here on the farm in order to keep us fed – SERIOUSLY.

Then I think, “Mary, you lived in New York City and walked around literally with your last .50 cents in your pocket more often than you like to remember.  If you were clever enough to get through that, you are clever enough to get through this with flying colors.”

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